# What would you do?



## eagleeye76 (May 7, 2010)

xxx


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## joemel (Mar 1, 2010)

well im not sayin to do what i did but when i found out my EX wife was cheatin i packed up and never looked back it was hard and still is but life is better now for me


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## Big D (Jun 23, 2009)

Fortunately, I have never been in that position (at least not that I know of), but I did have suspicions. 

In my opinion once someone has crossed that line, things will never be the same again for either of you. For me personally, I may be able forgive, but I would never forget. There will always be doubt and a lack of trust. Along with love and friendship, TRUST is one of the most important things in a relationship.

My heart goes out to you. Good luck in whatever decision you make. It's not going to be an easy one.

D


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## rmax (Nov 21, 2009)

first of all i would not call this guy a friend, friend are hard to come by, my opinion if he was a true friend he would have told her to move on down the road.
second, even if he mad the frist move she went for it, an how could trust ever be come back it will always be on your mind. 16 yrs is a long time, mine lasted 15yrs an ended in 1985, i still love her an would do anything for her, except take her back. very sad day when this sort of thing happens , but you will get over it,


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## NMKawierider (Apr 11, 2009)

Big D said:


> Fortunately, I have never been in that position (at least not that I know of), but I did have suspicions.
> 
> In my opinion once someone has crossed that line, things will never be the same again for either of you. For me personally, I may be able forgive, but I would never forget. There will always be doubt and a lack of trust. Along with love and friendship, TRUST is one of the most important things in a relationship.
> 
> ...


I completely agree. You will never see her in the same light again. IMO the only thing to do is forgive, turn the page and move on.


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## drtj (May 3, 2009)

I'm going thru almost the same as you are. I found out my wife cheated on me. I tried for a year to forgive & forget but I couldn't. So I packed up & left. The trust is gone. You will never be able to trust her again. I just hate what's its doing to the kids but they are young enough to adjust. As for the "friend" he is NOT a true friend to do that to you.


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## flowbackman (Nov 2, 2010)

I will have to agree with them as far as the trust it is gone I am going on my 2nd divorce and both are from cheating first one I am still friends with because she felt bad and told me I did not know till then but I cought the second one and she can rot in Philly for all I care but it is hard to make choices when it comes to love because it will not disapear and only you can make that disition and as far as the Friend thing goes they are right he is not a Friend if he has bin with your wife no Friend would do that and I would tell him to kick Rocks either way you go with her


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## Coolwizard (Feb 28, 2009)

16 years is a long term relationship. It will be hard, but it's time to part ways with both of them.
They're making new girls everyday..... move on, take your time and you'll find better.


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## swampthing (May 2, 2010)

Kick her a** to the curb, and yer "so called" friend is the lowest form of life for earning yer trust with a hidden agenda and consciously choosing to betray that trust by sleeping with YOUR ol' lady and ruining a 16 year relationship to fullfill his petty needs. Everytime I seen that guy for life I would walk over and punch him in the face..(everytime!!) he is a parasite that deserves NO remorse!! (JMO) CAUTION: I am redhead and tend to over react in a violent manner.


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## KMKjr (Jan 9, 2009)

Boot em' both to the curb and move on.

And a good ***** kicking for you so called friend would not hurt either.


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## byrd (Jul 14, 2009)

well im sure no matter what is said on here u already have it in ur mind on how ur gona handle this but ur still looking for opinions and hoping some of us tell u what u want to hear so ull feel better about ur decision... in my situation my x was a drama queen so i knew it not getting to me would hurt her more than anything else i could say or do so i calmly called her dad and asked him to bring his truck so his daughter could pack up and i never spoke of the situation again and i guess she was so embarrassed about it that so she never brings it up. oh and i never acknowledge my former friend


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## BleednGreen68 (Apr 19, 2010)

Yea just pack up and leave. Dont do anything stupid. Not worth it. Sorry to hear bout that. Thats along time.


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## oldmanbrute (Apr 15, 2009)

Had the same deal happen to me. Married 17 years and she hooked up with a co-worker, tried for 2 years to win her back (before I knew). Although I realize I played a part in her decision, (not playing enough attention to her, taking of her needs, etc.), I had to let go and start over. Met my current wife, been happy for 13 great years! So I know it seems like the end of the world, but she made the decision for you by crossing the line. Just look at why it happened, fix any faults that you could have been the cause of and apply it to your next relationship.

Hope this helps and good luck!


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## rmax (Nov 21, 2009)

physical contact with her =domsetic violence 
kicking his arse = getting even


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## 1bigforeman (Jun 23, 2009)

I walked in while my gf of 8 years was in the bed with a friend of mine. He is no longer my friend of course, but I just made sure that they knew I was there and left. While she was at school the next day, I packed my stuff and was gone. That was about 6 years ago....don't care to see either one of them.


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## IBBruin (Feb 10, 2009)

eagleeye76 said:


> What would you do if you found out your girl of 16+ yrs cheated on ya with a friend of yours? Need your thoughts PLEASE guys and gals too.


Dump her like yesterdays garbage, take your "friend" for a ride to get to know each other better.


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## byrd (Jul 14, 2009)

If u do bruins ideal make sure u bring a crowbar just in case he is bidder then u lol

Your not riding unless you break it!


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## Big D (Jun 23, 2009)

Hey guys, maybe it's just the difference between the way men and women handle situations like this and I should shut up, but...I know you want to tell him he's above all this and to move on, but try to do it with a little more...I dunno...compassion. I'm not sure what kind of relationship they had, but they were together for 16 years. This has to be really hard for him.


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## 1bigforeman (Jun 23, 2009)

I agree...but in the same sense, if she could do that to him, she has no compassion....A complete stranger would be better than a friend of his.


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## IBBruin (Feb 10, 2009)

Big D said:


> Hey guys, maybe it's just the difference between the way men and women handle situations like this and I should shut up, but...I know you want to tell him he's above all this and to move on, but try to do it with a little more...I dunno...compassion. I'm not sure what kind of relationship they had, but they were together for 16 years. This has to be really hard for him.


I know what you're saying D but he asked for our THOUGHTS, He didn't ask us to candy coat them. Why sugar coat something when the cold hard truth will do? I'm sure it is hard on the guy to walk in to find someone you've loved for the last 16 years finding enjoyment in the bed of a good friend. That's all the more reason to kick her aside and move on quickly. The trust is gone and can never be regained. Why waste time. Move on.


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## Big D (Jun 23, 2009)

True enough.

Hang in there Eagleeye76...you'll get through it.


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## monsterbrute750 (Apr 13, 2010)

2 sides to every story....just sayin'.......
There are always reasons for a persons actions. Ask yourself what you might have done to cause any of this. Not saying you did, but just step back and take a look at yourself for a moment. She obviously wasn't a "loose" girl when you met her , right ? 
As for your buddy...How long have you been friends ? How close of a friend was he ?
If he is a close friend that did this, take him for a beer and thank him for exposing the ***** she is and keeping you from wasting any more of your life with her.


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## byrd (Jul 14, 2009)

i dont care how many sides there are to a story.... i DO NOT believe in cheating. if it was so bad that she needed to cheat then it was bad enough to leave in my opinion. yes most of the time when someone cheats they still love their partner but in that sense she should of had enough respect for him and herself to end the relationship before she hurt him. my $.02


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## monsterbrute750 (Apr 13, 2010)

I ain't saying it was right. I'm saying it happened for a reason.


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## Big D (Jun 23, 2009)

I had one partner who was hurt by a cheating companion and was worried with each new relationship he entered. I said what you did...if I wasn't totally happy in a relationship, I would leave instead of cheat.


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## Eight (Mar 24, 2010)

I'd kick her a$$ to the curb and then beat the he!! out of the guy she cheated with. Better yet if the guy has a wife or gf tell her. I have no use for a friend that is a backstabber.


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## greenkitty7 (Jan 26, 2011)

That which doesn't kill you, only makes you stronger... i went through the same stuff... not 16 year relationship, but she was my fiance. its tough but just when you think you couldnt love someone anymore than that person, you will find one.


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## jsmith (Oct 21, 2009)

yep like most have said you might can forgive but never will be able to fully forget about it and any lil fight yall get into from now on (if you do forgive her) it will pop right back up in your mind about what she did... i had same happen it wasnt 16yrs but i can tell you that $850 to get out of jail sucked for puttin him in the hospital....


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## phreebsd (Dec 16, 2004)

we are all alike in more ways than we realize.


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## eagleeye76 (May 7, 2010)

Thanks


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## brute for mud (Jul 15, 2010)

bone one of her friends then kick her to the curb and tell your so called friend what a piece of shist he is and get forked and move on


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## Big D (Jun 23, 2009)

Whoa, that's uncalled for. Using one of her friends like that is just wrong. 

It sounds like he's doing his best to handle this in the most tactful way possible. He spoke with her, the guy and the guy's wife. Why involve an innocent person in the situation, especially that way?


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## byrd (Jul 14, 2009)

i understand its hard to walk away when u have a kid involved. dont let this eat at u and make a bad person out of u. just remember everytime someone messes up they try to blame it on another person so dont take this the wrong way man but she only turned this back on u and said its ur fault as a last resort (they all do that). best of luck pete


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## BleednGreen68 (Apr 19, 2010)

I'd break up with a person before I cheat on them. I've been cheated on before and it sucks. 16yrs is a long time to just throw away. If it was one or two yrs i'd just walk away from her. Hope it all works out for ya. Looks like you got all us brute bros behind ya! Now lets go muddin!


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## brute for mud (Jul 15, 2010)

i did it to a x because i caught her and wanted her to know how it feels i was with her for 10 years


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## IBBruin (Feb 10, 2009)

I hope everything works out good for ya. Honestly though, two years from now when she gets home late from going to the mall or is "with a friend of hers" and you can't get in touch with her, it's always going to eat at you. You'll be asking yourself, "she did it once, what's stopping her from doing it again?"

Good luck bro.


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## 1bigforeman (Jun 23, 2009)

I agree. It will never be easy to deal with this. You will always look back at this when you can't find her. There have been a lot of people that have been through it and made it work. A lot more of them it wrecks though. It's going to be tough. I certainly wish you luck. 16 years is much different than 2 or 3. It's worth a shot and if it doesn't work, it won't take long to realize it.


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## yjfreebrd (Sep 24, 2009)

That happend to me 2 yrs ago I packed her bags, changed the locks and I kept everything at the house.. Oh yea I have limited friends now. And no I don't talk to him and only reason I talk to her is for our son and that's limited to just what he needs.... If you have kids together make it simple for them ya'll can talk about kids but that's it.... Good Luck....


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## bowhuntr (Jan 30, 2011)

Wow...good luck on it all.

Very few can make something like this work.

somebody right in the beginning of this thread said "you can forgive but never forget". Thats exactly whats going to happen, remeber if you truely TRUELY want to make it work, you cant bring this back on her. I had a buddy that was in the same situation but it was him that boned another girl....EVERY TIME they had a fight and after they got back together she would bring it up...Finally he said enough was enough, becuase she held it over his head. 

A mistake is a mistake is one way to look at it.

It would take an unbelievably big person(man or woman) to take the blame for cheating and say it was my fault and not say he/she put the moves on ME and seduced ME. Thats another thing to look at.

I've always heard the saying and after I've got to know some of the people in my life (including a immediat family member) the more I believe it: a cheater is a cheater...Do it once thier gonna do it again.

I wish you the best of luck.


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## duramaxlover (Mar 17, 2010)

Alright well its a crappy situtation your in man
personally i would probably kick his arse out of pure anger and everything else but thats me and kicked her butt to the curb... thats me
If your wanting to not go to jail and to continue your life with her DONT do either of the things i just said... im sorry you are putting up with this


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## eagleeye76 (May 7, 2010)

Thanks


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## Arki (Feb 11, 2010)

Man it may be hard but jump ship it'll eat you alive in the future. Life is too short to second guess someone who is important to you and being single isn't bad at all!


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## sloboy (Oct 11, 2010)

Ok lets face it the child is the fragile piece here. I dated a girl in high school (for 3 years) and her parents was going thru something similar. By them "duke'n it out" and staying together with trust issues it SCREWED her head all up. She had trust issues and allowed it to ruin our relationship. 16 years is awhile, but like my daddy says "you aint gone stop that dog from eat'n chickens boy" take it for what its worth.


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## TxMudGurl (Nov 17, 2010)

I have been on both sides of the fence and I can tell you that people can change if they want to. Just because someone cheats once doesnt mean that they always will. There are so many factors that can cause someone to cheat and it sounds to me like she felt you werent meeting her emotional needs so she went elsewhere. Was she right for what she did? NOT AT ALL! And did your actions or lack there of play a part? PROBABLY, but those are not the important issues to focus on. What you need to consider now is can you live the rest of your life with her and never throw it up in her face? Or do you even WANT to spend the rest of your life with her. Are you willing to work at the relationship and change you or will you focus on what SHE needs to change to make it work? I have learned that we cannot change other people but we can change ourselves and if you spend time focusing on her and what she needs to change you will end up disapointed. 16 years is a long time so you have to ask yourself what is it worth to you? and that is just my 2 pennies!


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## Coolwizard (Feb 28, 2009)

^ Good Advice.


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